Saturday, December 19, 2015

Clinger - Review - @BrandonCSites

Clinger (2015) *
D: Michael Steves
C: Vincent Martella, Jennifer Laporte, Julia Aks, Shonna Major, Alicia Monet Caldwell, Rebecca Gail, Taylor Clift, Debbie Rochon, Leah Henley, Paulie Deo Jr., Lisa Wilcox, Sewell Whitney

Plot Synopsis: When her possessive high school boyfriend dies in a gruesome accident, Fern Petersen’s life is thrown into turmoil. Things go from bad to worse when he returns as a love-sick ghost to kill her so they can be together for eternity.

Review: Clinger is perhaps the most misguided film I've seen in recent memory. The story involves a high school girl, by the name of Fern, whose boyfriend, Robert, is accidentally decapitated. Feeling guilty over Robert's death, Fern discovers that she has the power to let Robert live on as a ghost by continuing to love him. Things start out fine and dandy, but with Fern being alive and Robert being dead, the relationship turns sour with Robert deciding that he's going to kill Fern so that they can be together forever.

The people behind Clinger have token what could've been a thoughtful film about guilt and moving on into a comedy. My question is: Why? I would like to know what exactly is funny about a teenager accidentally killing themselves? Or what's funny about a teenage ghost wanting to kill his girlfriend?

I don't understand why they took a serious premise and turned it into a comedy?!? Did they not trust in their own material? Not one scene feels authentic. For example, when Robert accidentally kills himself, it's with a guillotine! I know teenagers make lots of stupid mistakes. I certainly did, but I would have the common sense to not build a guillotine, let alone stand underneath it. 

Or, in another moment, sentimental music blares, lights shine from the heavens, characters cry, some even laugh all in an effort to close out with a feel good ending. This has got to be one of the most gratuitous moments in horror film history! I would put it right up there with the rape scenes of I Spit on Your Grave or the scene in which a mom & dad are killed in front of their kids in Silent Night Deadly Night. At least those films admitted to their gratuitous aspirations.

Clinger, on the other hand, doesn't. After Robert has embarked upon this path of wanting to kill his girlfriend, after Robert has enlisted other ghosts to help him kill anyone that stands in his way, after characters have been hospitalized, after one character has her hand chopped off, after people have died, there can't be a feel good ending!

This ending is a cop out to address the ramifications and the bigger issues that this whole scenario has raised. In fact, Clinger is one big cop out. I find it offensive that the people behind this, have used humor to defuse the seriousness of the story at hand. I find it offensive that viewers can be so easily manipulated into buying into this brand of humor.  

Speaking of buying into things, Clinger in a lot of ways reminds me of a used car salesmen trying to sell a lemon of a car. He puts up a nice smile. He'll try to make you laugh and he'll do it with a wink, but no matter how much charm and laughter he tries to force upon you, he's still trying to sell you a lemon. Clinger is that used car salesmen in that it tries to be charming, but it's all a diversion so that you won't look at how fundamentally wrong this film is. [Not Rated] 81 minutes.

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